DOTM Sterotypes!
by The Obsidian Angel
Summary: Serena is pregnant with her 145th baby and Stanton has multiple personalities! Catty is hyper on sugar and Jimena will kick your... well you get the point. Weve all read these stereotypes and story lines so I decided to bring them all together! R
1. Intro

**ATTENTION: Just your average run of the mill stereotype story. This is the intro. (Is run of the mill even an expression? If so what does it mean? I seriously do not know. IT just came to mind lol)**

_Vanessa_. "Hi! I'm Vanessa! I like birdies and neatness and people that whistle in the early morning when everyone else is trying to sleep! I like cats and doggies and I never ever _ever_ want to make my mommy mad! Evil is bad! Bad I say! I'm Vanessa! And in the name of the moon, I'll punish you! (Makes preppy pose)

_Catty_. "I'M CATTY! AND I'M HYPER ON SKITTLES! I NEVER GET SLEEPY! I NEVER EVER EVER GET SLEEPY! I LIKE TO USE CAPS LOCK, RISK MY LIFE, AND JUMP OFF RANDOM BUILDINGS! AND I HAVE ON MANY OCCASSIONS! THAT'S HOW I GOT THIS BRUISE AND BROKEN NOSE BUT THAT'S JUST HOW I GET DOWN! I CAN BE A COMPLETE AND TOTAL WHORE ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO KYLE! I'M USUALLY USED FOR COMIC RELIEF AND GOSSIP!

_Darrel_. "Hi, It's actually Der-"

_Jimena_. "I'm (bleep) Jimena! And I'll bust a (bleep) cap in your (bleep) ass! So don't (bleep) mess with me cuz I'll (bleep) you up, (BLEEP)!" (Goes away to punch something scared and alive)

_Tianna 1_. I'm not _a_ bitch. I'm_ the_ bitch, bitch. And if anyone of you bitches want to bitch around with me then you can try, bitch. I'm the best dancer and I'll steal your bitch ass boyfriend in a minute and make him _my_ bitch. I'm the prettiest thing you've ever seen and you're lucky you ever laid eyes on me… Bitch"

_Darren_. "I'm Tianna's boyfriend Der-"

_Tianna 2_. "My name is Tianna! While all the other daughters are out doing something important like (saving the world, laying Stanton, etc) I'm skateboarding! Because, according to the author, I love to skateboard, as that's probably the only thing he/ she knows about me! It's all I ever do! No eating, sleeping, or drinking for me! Skateboarding is WAY KEWLER!"

_Serena_. "I'm Serena. I guess out of everyone here, I'm treated the most normal. I'm artistic and dark and I know ALL. I'm basically an intelligent girl unless you put me around Stanton in which I turn into a dirty slut! I'm always the target for hopeless predicaments, torture, and I've been pregnant at least 100 times now!

_Darnell_. DEREK! MY NAME IS-

_Stanton 1_. "I'm Stanton. I'm a smart aleck and never at a loss for words because I'm well… Stanton. I'm a bad- ass and because everyone likes a bad- ass, I never get in trouble for it. Nor do I ever die, because if I die, thousands fan girls will sic their insert absurdly unrealistic animal here on the author and have her for dinner. And I'll just laugh. Cuz I'm Stanton and I'm cool like that. And when I'm not out making someone feel stupid with my superior sexiness and wit, I'm out molesting girls in graveyards and stealing kids' taffy apples (Killer smile)

_Derek_. Finally. Okay I'm-

_Stanton 2_. (Blasts Derek) Shut up, fool! I'm fucking mad. Mad because I'm cursed. I will compose a poem.

_Roses are red_

_Violets are blue_

_Get in my way_

_And I'll fuck you up_

It's poetry.

I do that.

It's not supposed to rhyme.

Confused?

Deal with it.

_Michael_. I'm clueless. I'm so clueless that I don't know left from right. And before I can find out about any fucking thing, I'm usually killed off anyway…"

_Collin_. DUDES! I love to surf. It's what I do, man. And when you get on waves, it's just the most awesome feeling in the world… It's like… it's like sex or something! SURFING IS SO COOL! Oh and Jimena is my girl friend too"

_Kyle_. Why do you need to know my name? Are you some undercover agent slowly plotting his way to my demise? Well, I won't let you! And who made this mess? I want my kitchen clean! Clean I say! Is that a spot? IS THAT A SPOT, DAMN YOU? Oh… I'm Kyle. I bitch twenty four hours. Seven days a week. So get used to it"

_Maggie_. Hi, honey! I'm Maggie and I'm your fairy godmother! Have a cookie!

_Kendra_. (waves hands around crystal ball) If ja want to talk to Madame Kendra, call this toll free number! 555- 5555. Feel da island breezes! I see fortune a comin in _your_ future!

_Morgan_. _Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt .It is like sooooooo big!_

_Tymmie and Karyl._ "We're always together!"

"I love Tymmie"

"And I love Karyl"

"TCHAAAAAAAAA!"

_Cassandra_. "I love Stanton one and two soooooo much! I still love him even though he blasted me, avoids me, calls me names, and thinks I'm an overall crazy stalker, we're gonna be together someday! I cry a lot and pull a bunch of stupid stunts!

_Lambert_. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm EVIL! And I don't go any deeper than that!

_Aura_. _See Lambert._

**If I think of anymore I'll insert them. Stereotypes. I guess everyone makes them once or twice. But sometimes people go a little over board (including myself Lol). So I decided to take these stereotypes, place them in the real book- like situation and see what would happen! Woo hoo!…… The first chappy will be Stanton 1. Unlike most of my stories, this doesn't follow a plot line. Its just a bunch of short stories on each type of character so there will be no pressuring to update.**


	2. Seductive Stanton

Er… I need some serious help…

**_SEDUCTIVE STANTON_**

Serena strolled cautiously over the dead cemetery grass, the night air billowing through her crimson tresses. The silk material of her red mini, caressed her legs and she pulled at the hem of her black halter top. She wondered, why of all places, Stanton had chose a graveyard for their meeting place. Her eyes traveled nervously over the dark terrain and listened for various bumps in the night. Finally, she saw Stanton leaning casually against a gravestone. Wait, did I say casually? I meant **_seductively_**. She saw Stanton leaning **_seductively_** against a gravestone. He was wearing all black, his blonde hair catching the wind. He looked up to smirk at her and she groaned, ready to give him a piece of her mind.

"Stanton, why of all places did you want me to meet you-"

"Hush", he put a finger to her lips.

"Er… why?"

"Because I said so", he grinned and took a bite out of a taffy apple.

"Um… okay. But Jimena had another premonition and-"

"You look good", he interrupted her, toying with the fly of her skirt.

"Um… I know! But what's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with _you_?"

"Are you on something?"

"Are_ you_ on something?"

"Stanton", she rushed, out of breath. Why was he acting like this?

"Serena" he smirked again as his earlier smirk had expired. "Okay tell me what's wrong"

"Well, she said that there was new breed of followers and they were… Stanton? Stanton, what are you doing?" She watched as he took his shirt and jacket off to toss them over a gravestone.

"What does it _look _like I'm doing?"

"Er… taking your clothes off?"

"You know you like it", he teased. Stanton liked to tease…

"There's no time for this", she groaned, grabbing her forehead.

Stanton grabbed a remote out of no where and turned on an invisible radio. Barry White boomed from the speakers.

"Stanton?"

"Serena"

"STANTON!"

"Serena"

"I hate Barry White! You know that!"

"Do I?" he asked, dancing over to her. **_Seductively_** that is. Dancing **_seductively_** over to her.

"Sorry about this", she muttered before slapping him around. "Okay. Now who and what are you?"

"Stanton", he responded rubbing at his shaggy blonde bangs. "And I'm hot. Hot for you that is. Hit me again, baby"

Serena tried smacking him again. "Okay", she breathed. "How do you feel now?"

"Like", he started. "Like more taffy apples… watch this!" He ran over to small kid on the side of the road and plucked a taffy apple from his hands.

The child's eyes widened and he ran away. Serena gasped and turned to two policeman.

"Well, aren't you going to do something about that?"

They only laughed. "Oh that Stanton and his kleptomaniac tendencies!" They laughed harder. Serena's eyes widened. She glared daggers at Stanton as he made his way back across the graveyard, biting into his taffy apple ever so…you guessed it, **_seductively_**.

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!"

"So who's being funny?" Stanton asked, as he was the only one in the known world who could speak through mounds of fruit, nuts, and caramel. He ran his blue eyes over the graveyard and smirked. "Helpless teen at two o' clock"

"WHAT?" Serena roared. "And it's not two. Its-" She looked down to see that her watch had gone up an hour. Because if Stanton said it was two o' clock. Well, damn. It must be two o' clock. She watched as Stanton made his way over to confront a blonde in a vampire costume.

"Do you believe in vampire stories? Hee hee hee! Hee hee hee!" she asked psychotically.

"I do", Stanton replied, tracing a finger down her back. Serena stared in wide eyed disbelief. She turned to the policeman.

"That Stanton!' One of them laughed. "Always molesting people!"

She would have to handle this on her own. "STANTON! I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU!"

"You can't break up with me!" he looked up from his victim.

"Watch me!" she started to walk the other way, wiping tears from her eyes.

"YOU'LL COME BACK!" he yelled. "They always do"

Sure enough, Serena reached the end of the sidewalk when an old man stopped her.

"He loves you"

Serena cocked an eyebrow, wondering just how in the hell that he knew about them anyway.

"GO TO HIM!" a voice called out of no where.

"Okaaaaay", Serena muttered. "Creepy…"

**_S & S_** appeared marked through out the sky.

"Er…"

Suddenly a girl in a hoodie walked up to her with a gun. "Go back to the graveyard!"

"But-"

"GO BACK TO THE DAMN GRAVEYARD!"

":Ok…" she gulped and walked back to the graveyard. "Stanton!" she called.

"I knew you'd be back", he smiled, ten more taffy apples in his hands. She saw a bunch of children running away scared across the street. Policeman laughed and jeered at them. She swallowed hard.

"Want some?" he asked.

"No", she grimaced. "Now what the hell is goin- AGH!" she screamed as a gunshot sounded through out the night.

A man in a mask ran up to her. "GIMMEE YO MONEY!"

"Okay!" Serena said, but before she could reach for her purse, a spring of wild flying monkeys and feline warriors attacked the thugs. Serena watched in awe as they beat them over the head.

"ITS STANTON!" One of the thugs screamed.

"HAVE MERCY!" the other bellowed to the heavens as they raced out of the cemetery.

"Weird…" Serena muttered.

"Serena!" She turned to see Jimena and the rest of the daughters headed her way. "Did you tell him?"

"I was trying too but he just kept being…"

_So seductive…_

"Being what, chica?" Jimena asked.

_So seductive…_

"Being…"

_**Seductive! Seductive dammit!**_

"Er… seductive?"

"Seductive?" Jimena cocked an eyebrow and tilted her head towards Stanton, her eyes venomous. "What's she talking about?"

"Don't you know?" he asked, a smirk crawling over his sensuous lips.

"Look, vato. Serena might not be able to beat your ass, but I can do it just fine"

He laughed at this. "You wish you _had_ my ass, Jimena"

"WHAT?"

"You spend long tortured nights just dreaming about my ass, don't you Jimena?"

Now all of the daughters were staring at him in awe.

"Why you!", Jimena reared back to hit him but an officer caught her hand.

"Ma'am, I'm afraid I'm going to have to place you under arrest for attempted abuse of Stanton"

"WHAT?"

"You might get ten years"

"Maybe twenty"

"Who knows?"

"Who counts anymore?"

"Maybe life"

"Maybe the electric chair"

"You have to be kidding me!" Jimena yelled. "I didn't even touch him!"

"Yeah that's what they all say", one officer laughed. "Hey, Stanton. Save an apple for me, will ya?"

Stanton nodded in consent.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU STANTON! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Jimena screamed as they carried her away.

The daughters gaped at him.

"I can't believe you!" Catty screamed. She released her power onto him but it only went straight through.

They all stared, eyes wide. Serena finally spoke up.

"How did you? How did-"

He laughed. "A- Duh! I'm Stanton. Like I could really _die_!"

Suddenly an earthquake shook the earth. Tons of cars slid down the streets and people screamed their last dying breaths as they fell through bottomless pits. Stanton stood perched on one piece of land the daughters at his side.

"How- How-"

"I told you I couldn't die!"

Suddenly a wave of water washed over the land and Stanton came sailing up on a surf board that hadn't been there before. Serena and the daughters flailed helplessly in the water. "HELP!"

Stanton pulled Serena into his arms, which was strange considering that he was on a surf board and smiled that now wet, wet, **wet seductive** smile. "What did I tell you?"

Then the sun fell from the sky and the survivors that were left from the last two incidents ran around crazy with the ensuing pandemonium. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Stanton just laughed.

Serena slapped him. "How can you be so calm at a time like this?"

"Because", he took her by the shoulders, a mad glint in his eyes. "I CAN'T DIE! I CAN NEVER DIE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!" Suddenly a bolt of lightening struck him from the heavens and he fell dead.

"SORRY!" A voice boomed sheepishly from the clouds. "Thought he was that Michael kid…"

A hush stormed over the land and thunder crashed from the heavens, aided by the author's cruel ruthless laughing.

Vanessa floated by and grabbed Serena by the arm. "Whats going to happen now, Serena? WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN?"

"I don't know", Serena gulped, watching as all sorts of wild animals fell from the skies. "I really don't know…"

**I know… I'm a complete and total nutcase… read and review!**


	3. Naive Vanessa

I'm ba- ack! With Nessa's chapter! Lol I decided to do something different. From now on, Im taking a scenario out of the book and that will be the short story line. This is from the first book when Stanton was taking Vanessa to save Catty. Also,**_ SEE BOTTOM OF PAGE _**after reading. Thank you.

_**Naïve Vanessa**_

Stanton, having recovered from the last chapter, walked slowly over the grass, still desperately trying to pump water out of his ears. He had no idea what had come over him. Turning the corner, he realized his purpose for being there. Vanessa sat under the shadow of a Jacaranda tree, shadows billowing gently over her form. He smirked. The Atrox had taken Catty and in exchange for her, Vanessa had agreed to meet him here. He flipped his blonde locks back, in attempt to brush the hair out of his eyes.

Plus it was the first book, and he wanted to make a sexy impression.

"You came!" he smiled, advancing on her. That is until she jumped a good ten feet in the air, completely defying Newton's law of gravity.

Stanton glanced around, searching for her. "Vanessa!"

"Oh my Gaaaaaaaaaaaawd!" Her head poked out of the tree. "You like totally scared me!" She tumbled drunkenly out of the tree and stood without a scratch, giggles echoing from her lips.

He cocked an eyebrow. "Are you done yet?"

More giggles. "You're so funny! Look! I bought you flowers!" She held out a big bouquet of white roses.

"… er…" he swallowed hard, looking about for wherever she might have pulled the roses from. "What about Catty?"

She laughed and pulled out another bouquet. "Don't worry! I have one for her _too_, silly!"

He stared at her, dumbfounded.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Don't like the color?"

"I-"

She wasn't listening. His eyes widened as she dumped an array of different color bouquets at his feet. "Pink, Yellow, Orange, Green, Purple, Blue, Black, Gold…" Another appeared in her grasp. "And now in **_Magenta_**!"

He looked down, unable to see his feet. "Don't you have any normal colors? Like red?"

"Red is the devil…" she whispered, her bottom lip quivering. He gulped.

"I try to do good for you!" she cried. "I buy you flowers and dress nice!"

He took in her restrictive scuba diving outfit.

"AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?"

"_Vanessa_!" he snarled, fighting the urge to cross her over and be done with it. "This is **_not_** a date!"

Confusion flooded her features. "It's not?"

He gave her a look that quite oviously said: "Duh".

"What day is it?"

"Thursday"

She clasped her hands together. "Ohhhh! I totally got the dates mixed up!"

"Obviously", he growled. "Then are we saving Catty or not?"

"Wait!" Vanessa cried. "Let me change!" She grabbed a fist full of her scuba diving outfit and tore it off, the material tearing apart to reveal the shimmering blue dress worn on the cover.

He gasped. How did she do that? _He_ was Stanton, dammit. And even _he_ couldn't do that.

She tossed her golden hair back and a sudden wind took to it. "Okay! I'm ready!"

She started to skip his way. "Sooooooo! Where are we going?"

"To save Catty?" He scratched the back of his head.

"No, silly! I mean, where?" she giggled and pulled out an apple pie. "For you! I made it allll by my lonesome!"

He sighed. "I thought it was clear that this isn't a date".

She rolled her eyes. "This isn't a date pie! I always bake pies for guys who kidnap my best friend and lure me into a trap that they know I'm stupid enough to fall in! This-" She pulled out a blueberry pie. "Is my date pie".

Handing the last pie to a homeless person, she pranced down the street.

"How are we getting there?"

He pointed to a slick, black vehicle and she started to tremble. _Riding in cars... with boys?_

"It looks… so dark in there".

"Get in the car".

"What's that?" she pointed a shaky finger at a zip lock bag with a green, grassy substance inside.

"Get in the car, Vanessa".

"My mommy told me never to get in the car with strangers!"

"Well, she's not here, is she?" he asked, pushing her into the passenger seat and running around to the other side to jump in.

"LET ME GO!" she shrieked.

"I don't think so"

"WELL, AT LEAST PUT YOUR SEAT BELT ON!"

He furrowed his eyebrows, but decided not to question her and clicked on his belt. "Happy?"

"Indubitably".

He moved a few inches away and began to start the car.

She turned and wrestled anxiously in her seat. "I'm bored. Where's the music?"

He pushed a button on the radio dial and heavy metal blasted through the speakers.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she bellowed. "MAKE IT STOP!" She karate kicked the radio and it blew up in Stanton's face. Losing control of the car, he careened off of a cliff. Well almost. Vanessa glanced over the edge to see rocks tumbling to the ground. They were tipped over the _HOLLYWOOD_ sign.

"Heeheeheehee!" she giggled. "I've always wanted to come here"

"WHAT?"

"I said, I've always wanted to come here" She leaned over on his shoulder and smiled. "This is the best date ever, Stanton". A pie appeared in her hand.

"It's not a date" he sighed.

"Then what is it?" she asked stupidly.

"I'm the guy who kidnapped your best friend to lure you into a trap that I _knew_ you'd be stupid enough to fall in? Remember?"

"Is that all I am to you?"

"Yes", he said simply.

"Then why did you bring me here? GAWD! You tease!" She crossed her arms, angry at him.

He sighed in relief that she had shut up. Picking up a pie, he started to bite into it, when Vanessa snatched it from his grasp and tossed a carrot at him.

"… bitch…"

She gasped. "You… you bad bad man!"

"That's it!" Taking her by the arm, he stared into her eyes and pulled her forward into his memories.

"But they're good for yoooooooooooooooooooooooooo- oomph!" She suddenly fell into a stone room, sunlight pouring in through the window. She stood up and stared into the horizon. Then turning back around, she spotted a little boy sitting on the bed, playing with a rattle.

"Oooooooooh!" she cooed. "Aren't you cute?"

"Father!" he called. "Where fort art thou?"

"Whatta?"

"Under yonder window breaks!"

She bent her head down and he smacked her upside the head with the rattle. "OW!"

"Heheheheheheheheheheh".

She rubbed at the sore spot before turning around to see a tall man who strangely resembled Stanton entering the room. He reached for the boy.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed. She expected the boy to do the same but he just sat there.

"COME ON!" she begged him, pulling his arm.

"My word!" he glared at her and continued to shake his rattle.

"Please?"

"Well, I never!"

"Aren't you to old to be playing with that thing?" She snatched it from him and he gasped.

"_You bitch_!" he cried, nearly knocking her off of her feet. "WAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

She picked him up and ran out of the room, despite the tall man's pleas, whoever the hell he was.

"Thou art mad!"

She raced down the stairs and screamed as a group of shadows approached them. Turning around, she continued backwards towards another row of stairs.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"We are to the East and they are to the West!"

"What?"

"Thou art mistaken!"

"_What_?"

"YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY, BITCH!"

"Huh?"

Vanessa looked up to see the darkness overshadowing them. IT reached out and took the boy.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! You bitch! You biiitch!"

He disappeared and a hand took her by the shoulder and she was pulled back into reality.

"Stanton!" she screamed, seeing him there in the driver's seat. "Let me guess! You brought me back in hopes of thanking me for saving your life!"

He boiled in anger.

"Er… Stanton?" She inched up onto the dashboard. His eyes widened.

"Vanessa! No!"

The car cascaded over the edge.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU BITCH! YOU BIIITCH!"

"AHHH!" she wailed as they bounced down Hollywood hill and finally fell on Britney Spears. "Oops, I did-"

"My car!"

"Britney!"

"COME ON! IT COULD EXPLODE ANY MINUTE!" He shoved her roughly towards a club, standing only a few yards away. Strobe light enveloped them as they walked in to meet a less than happy Serena and Jimena.

"WHOA!" Vanessa once again sailed ten feet in the air, but this time, she crumple back down, there being a ceiling and all…

When she came to minutes later, Jimena confronted her.

"_Chica_, where have you been? We had to fight the Atrox without you!"

Vanessa smiled dreamily. "I was with Stanton"

Serena's interest struck up like a match. "What do you mean?"

"Well first", she boasted. "I gave him flowers. Then he took me on a joyride and we went to Hollywood Hills. That's when he took me in his memory and I held him while he was screaming. We killed Britney Spears". She stopped to say a prayer. "And now were here! Fun, huh?"

"Stanton…" Serena's eyes flashed red.

"N- no! You don't under-"

_Smack!_

"Stand…"

You guys aren't having some cursed affair that I won't find out about until later on in the series are you?"

"No. Why would you say that?" They both answered hastily, wondering how she knew.

"Just wondering". She grinned. "Time to save Catty!"

"I'm right here, Vanessa!" Catty smiled.

"Don't be silly, Catty. I have to save you".

"But I'm er… right here".

"Now, don't you worry. I'll be done in a minute". She walked towards a huge group of followers.

"Vanessa!"

"I can't heeeeaaaaaar you".

They all watched as Vanessa was dragged into the group in horror. Tymmie emerged a few minutes later, a satisfied smile on his face. "She's dead".

The daughters all stared in disbelief.

Stanton hit the wall in anger. "You idiot! You weren't supposed to kill her! The Atrox wants her alive! Where is she?  
Tymmie pointed outside. "They just loaded her into your car".

"My car?"

"Yeah. Karyl parked it next to the club".

Stanton looked around to see his car trembling violently. He took Serena by the arm, his eyes widening. "RUN!"

Everyone screamed in terror and started to rush in the opposite direction. The car was on fire now, burnt paint flying off in every direction. They ran to the door. Past the stage. Into the next room. Towards the door and-

Too late.

_**BOOM!**_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU BITCH! YOU BIIITCH!"

* * *

Sorry if it sucked. Writers block. So anyway, please vote on the next chapter like this:

If you haven't noticed already, the characters in my chapters are based on the former chapter. For example, because Stanton was the stereotype in the last chapter, he was the main sane person in this one. Vanessa will be the main sane person in the next. The question is, who should be the stereotype? Please vote on it. If there is no book scenario with the character of your choice, I will create one. Thank you!


	4. Freaky Serena

_Freaky Serena_

I admit this was hard. I was trying to capture a weird Serena and at the same time focus on the overdramatic melodrama she and Stanton are forced to go through in many of our little creations. Hope its okay.

* * *

Vanessa climbed onto her purple, satin covers, barely able to keep her eyes open. It had been a long, _long_ day and she had decided to turn in early. Falling against her pillows, she let a slow smile curve over her lips and pulled the sheets over her head. 

Finally, she could get some sleep…

_Nessaaaaaaaa…_

A gruff voice sent her bolting up from the covers.

_Nessaaaaaaaaaaa…_

"Wh- who's there?" Vanessa called, rising from the bed. She took a baseball bat from her closet and walked in the direction it was coming from: the window.

_Nessaaaaaaaaa…_

She opened the curtains.

_OoooooOoooOOooooo…_

She flinched as a low moan evaporated from somewhere close by.

_OoooooOoooOOooooo…_

"H- hello?"

"Down here", a small voice squeaked.

Vanessa obeyed and then quickly wished she hadn't. There in her mother's rose box, was the most ugly flower she'd ever seen. It was covered in mud and faded petals. Through the dirt, she could see Big Bird's head sticking out, a long pointy hat on its head.

"Help!" it squawked.

Vanessa swallowed hard and held the bat closer out of the window, just incase she had to attack. To her surprise, the bird grabbed it and heaved itself into her room. Vanessa shrieked as it tumbled across the carpet and into the leg of her dresser. "Owie."

Before it could recover itself, Vanessa grabbed the bat and began to beat the hell out of it.

"IIIIIIEEEEEEIIIEEE!" it screamed in pain.

_Die. Die. Please die_. She hit it harder.

"Vanessa, please!"

The bat lowered to the ground. She'd know that voice anywhere.

Big Bird stood and straightened out its black robes. It looked just like Harry Potter… if Harry Potter was a bright, yellow bird.

Which he's not.

It reached down again to take a long, wooden wand from the ground and straightened the pointy hat on his head. It finally looked up at Vanessa, and she gasped as it opened its tiny, orange beak to say, "Like my outfit?"

"Huh?" Vanessa blinked and watched as the bird took hold of its head and spun it around a few times. She bit back a scream. The Exorcist didn't have shit on this. It finally lifted its head off to reveal:

"_Serena?_"

"That's my name", she grinned, rubbing at her soft, dark curls. "You like? I thought I'd change my style a bit. Something a little bit bigger. And feathery".

Vanessa nodded slowly. "Right. Mind explaining why you were trying to sneak through my window?"

Serena's eyes grew solemn. "Yes. I have something to tell you", she whispered in a strange mystic voice, placing the pointy hat on her _real_ head. "Something important".

"Couldn't it have waited until tomorrow?"

"No!" she grabbed her by the shoulders. "It must be tonight! While the moon is full!" A low, mysterious cackle escaped her throat.

"Serena", Vanessa frowned as she watched the girl decorate her room with pumpkins and black cat posters. "Have you been drinking?"

"Of course not", Serena hiccupped as she pulled another jack o' lantern from her robes. "Come. You must get ready".

"Are you on crack? Ecstasy?" Vanessa's eyes grew concerned.

"No" Serena scowled, tossing her a pair of jeans and a blue tank. "Get ready! The time has come!"

"For what?"

"I'll tell you when we get there". She smiled creepily.

Vanessa was about to retaliate when a gang of three men burst through the door and took Serena by the feathers.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Serena screamed as they dragged her down the stairs.

Vanessa chased after them. "Wait!"

"Save me!" Serena bellowed as she bounced over each step. "Save me!"

Vanessa grabbed a vase and beat the men over the head with it from behind. They dropped Serena and let her tumble down the rest of the way.

"I'm okay", she mumbled from the bottom of the stairs and pulled herself up. She suddenly looked up at Vanessa, her arms outstretched. "MY HERO!" She ran for her.

Vanessa winced and fought the urge to run away. She held out her arms, but Serena just ran straight pass her. She turned around to see a puzzled Stanton in her bedroom doorway, struggling to wrap his arms around the huge Big Bird costume.

"Serena, what are you doing here?"

"I came to warn Vanessa about something". She hugged him tighter. "I forgot now that you're here".

A frustrated Vanessa marched up the stairs. "You're welcome", she muttered, sarcastically. Her attentions switched to Stanton. "_You're_ the one that's been sneaking in my room at night?"

He grinned mischievously. "Guilty as charged".

"Stantoooooon", Serena sang. "You like my outfit?" She spun around a few times before bumping him with the ass of her Big Bird outfit. He held on to the wall before he could sail away.

"It's a little bit early for Halloween, isn't it?"

"Well, I never!" She marched into Vanessa's room, bumping him roughly on the way in.

Stanton nearly toppled over the banister and Vanessa grabbed his arm before he could fall.

"Thanks", he muttered. "What's wrong with her?"

Vanessa shrugged and gave a nervous glance in her room as Serena had pulled a cauldron from her robes and began to brew a potion, all the while hissing viciously over the steam and laughing maniacally. "So why are you here?"

"Well", he smirked, trying to shake off the fact that his girl friend was losing her mind. "I come to cross you over, but I stay for the pie".

"The pie?"

He pointed to her mother's blueberry pie downstairs on a counter.

Vanessa sighed. _Could this night get any weirder?_

"Yessssss" She looked down to see Serena smiling secretively up at her, a green apple in her hand. "Apple?"

"N- no", Vanessa stuttered. _How did she know what I was thinking?_

"Telepathy" Serena said, blankly. "I do that".

"Really?" Vanessa's eyes widened. "All the time? Even if I don't want you to?"

Serena nodded. "Yup. So get used to it". She pulled out a bag of apples. "They're free".

"Nope". Vanessa and Stanton both shook their heads rapidly.

"I'll throw in another bag".

"Nuh uh".

"Baked apples?" she offered them a plate.

"I don't think so…"

She whipped a jug out of nowhere and dipped two of the apples in caramel and nuts. "Taffy Apples?"

Stanton started to reach for one, but Vanessa tapped his hand. "No, thank you".

This infuriated Serena more than anything.

"Is that any way to treat a _pregnant_ woman?"

"Pregnant?" Vanessa gasped.

"By _who_?" Stanton snapped, suddenly angry.

Serena giggled and tapped his nose lovingly with her wand. "By you, silly".

For the first time in his life, Stanton was confused. _Very_ confused. "Serena…"

"Isn't it wonderful?"

"We haven't had sex".

"I hope it's a boy".

"We aren't even official yet".

"I'll name him Cello".

"Plus you're a virgin…"

"I'M PREGNANT, DAMMIT! DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?"

"No". He shook his head and gave her a half smile.

"WHY-" She stopped in mid- sentence and leaned over. "It's coming".

Vanessa immediately guided Serena to the bed and tugged at Big Bird's leg. "We have to get this thing off".

"You've got to be kidding me". Stanton felt an anime sweat drop coming on. He turned to leave. "I'll return when Vanessa's alone and _you_ have your senses back".

"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" Serena wrestled him by the collar of his leather jacket. "YOU DID THIS TO ME, YOU BASTARD! YOU'RE GOING TO STAY HERE AND FIX IT!"

"Sere- mmmpppph!" He cried as his head was now twenty inches deep in the sheets.

"Just take the other foot", Vanessa pleaded with him. This was one battle he couldn't win. She heard him mutter something about Jerry Springer as he took hold of the Big Bird costume.

"Hurry!" Serena cried.

They gave it a sharp tug.

"FASTER, DAMMIT!"

_Plop._

The costume fell onto the floor, leaving jeans, a white T, and an oversized stomach.

Vanessa stared, bewildered. "I don't believe it". She glanced up at Stanton.

"Don't look at me", he growled. "It sure as hell isn't mi… wait a minute…" He reached in his pocket to remove a blade. Flicking it open, he poked Serena's stomach.

_POP!_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Both girls screamed.

Serena grabbed one of the pillows and commenced to beat the shit out of Stanton. "MY BABY! MY BABY!"

He snatched the pillow away. "Here's your _baby_". He held up a few broken pieces of yellow rubber and plastic.

Serena stared for a while before breaking out into a fit of foolish giggles. "Heh. Forgot I stuffed that in there. FLASE ALARM!" She beamed.

Vanessa started to give her a piece of her mind, when she realized what she was doing.

"Er… Serena?" She watched as the jeans and white T fell to the carpet, revealing a sexy black, scarlet nightie, complete with leather, chains, and the rest of the works. A pair of handcuffs dangled from her index finger.

Stanton's eyes widened. "Serena?"

"Yes, my love?"

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" She tightened one of the cuffs around her wrist. "It didn't work the first time, so let's "accidentally" make a _real_ one".

"I-"

"Stanton", she cut him off, her voice mysterious again. "Our child is the difference between world peace and the brink of destruction". She broke out a whip.

"And you know this how?"

"GAWD!" She rolled her eyes. "Don't you read fanfiction .net?"

Stanton and Vanessa exchanged glances. What was this fanfiction .net?

"Nevermind". Serena cracked her whip. "_You_ have been a very bad boy".

Stanton raised an eyebrow and slowly backed away. "Serena…"

Vanessa grimaced. "You guys…"

"Come back here!"

"Wait…"

"Don't!"

"Hold on…"

"You can't fight it!"

"No…"

"OUCH!"

"Stop…"

"TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!"

"WAIT JUST A FUCKING MINUTE!"

They both turned around to gawk at Vanessa. Stanton rubbed at a few red marks on his back, the leather jacket forgotten on the floor.

"Take it outside! There will be **_no_** sex and bondage in this house!" She pointed to the door.

Serena glared daggers at her. "Fine. Come on, baby". She cuffed Stanton and led him out of the room.

"Wait!" He broke loose and ran back in the room, his arms still behind his back. "I came here to talk to you, Vanessa!"

"What about?" Vanessa scowled, watching the window just incase any more kinky freaks decided to invade her privacy.

"Your destiny".

Serena blinked. "Let me get this straight. I just had a baby-"

"A balloon", he corrected her.

"Whatever! And you came here to talk to _her_?" She blinked back tears. "I'M LEAVING!"

_Finally… _

"Bye!" Vanessa waved. Stanton did the same.

"Don't even try to stop me!" She climbed back into her suit and put the head on.

"We won't!" they rang in unison.

Serena huffed and pulled a broom from the wall.

Vanessa furrowed her eyebrows. "What are you…"

"I'll have to use yours. I left mine somewhere outside". She straddled the broom. "Have fun with my _husband"._ She climbed up on the windowsill, her feathers billowing gently in the breeze.

Vanessa laughed nervously. "Why don't you use the front door?"

"No, thank you!" she snapped. "I've been flying these things for years. I think I _know_ what I'm doing!"

"Serena!" Stanton called, realizing she was actually serious. "Don't-"

Too late.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!"

They watched as she cascaded from the ledge.

_Thump!_

Another voice blended in with Serena's low, tortured moans.

"_Chica_!" the voice roared. "I told you about those _drogas_!"

Jimena's long, slender legs slipped through the window, an unconscious Serena not far behind. "Did she tell you?" she panted, addressing Vanessa.

"She was supposed to tell me something?"

Jimena scowled at Serena before recognizing Stanton. "You!"

Stanton ignored her and leaned down to take Serena's mask off. He patted her face gently. "Are you okay?"

Her eyes slowly opened. "Stanton".

"Yes?"

"I think I'm" She gave a small cough. "Dying".

His eyes widened.

"Don't cry. Don't cry"

"I'm er… not".

"Just"

More coughing.

"Just do me this one simple favor".

"Don't- ack! Ack!"

"What is it?"

"Don't- ack! Ackackackackackack!"

"Huh?"

She coughed one last time, groaned, and her head fell limp against the carpet.

They all stared in silence. Vanessa finally spoke up. "Is she-"

"_No seas tonta. _Don't be stupid". Jimena rolled her eyes and gave Serena a good kick in the side.

"OOooooOOOOooo!" Serena cried loudly and rolled around the bedroom floor. "OooooOOOOooo!"

Jimena shook her head. "I've seen death before, _chica_. You can't fool me". She took Serena by the shoulders and roughly pulled her to her feet. "What's gotten into you? You've been like this since I picked you up tonight".

"I'm possessed!" Serena cried. "Couldn't you tell?"

"By who?" Vanessa demanded.

"Lambert's evil girlfriend!" she cried, throwing her arms around Stanton.

"But _I'm_ Lambert's evil girl friend".

They looked outside to see Aura strolling down the sidewalk and slowly turned back to Serena.

She gave them a nervous smile. "Okay. You want the truth?"

They all nodded gravely.

"I'll tell you the truth" she lowered her voice. "I'm from the past".

"Then how do you know our names?" Stanton inquired.

She stared at him blankly. "Why do you do that?"

"Huh?"

"Why do you ruin everything for me?"

"What-"

"CANT I HAVE A LITTLE FUN?"

"I-"

"CAN'T I?" She mumbled obscenities his way. "If I'd known this, I would have _never_ let you cross me over".

"Stanton crossed you over?" Jimena exploded.

Serena nodded. "Yep. I can't remember if that was before or after he cheated on me with his ex- girlfriend that he thought had died centuries ago and we got in a fight and he broke my nose".

Stanton gaped. "I NEVER-"

"Yes you did!" Serena screamed. "I just don't understand why you treat me this way!"

He blinked, dumbfounded. "You know, I really liked you for a moment Serena, but now…"

"Go to hell!"

Vanessa shook her head. "If you two went through so much, then why do you stay together in the first place?"

They both stared fearfully at the writer. Thunder flashed across the sky.

"Because… we like it" Serena put on a fake grin.

"Yes" Stanton's grin matched hers. "We like it".

The sky was clear again.

"Well", Serena cleared her throat. "We have Atrox business to get back to so if you'll excuse us-"

"Wait!" Jimena took her by the shoulder. "If you're a follower, how can you still wear the moon amulet?"

"Fine". Serena crossed her arms. "I lied".

"That means, if the Atrox finds out-"

"It has", Serena informed them.

"How?" Stanton demanded.

"Duh! It has the series too, you know. It's coming. And it's mad. In fact, it should be here right abooooouuut". She looked at her watch. "Now".

They all gasped as a sheet of darkness loomed over them, a novel floating in it's midst. It slowly opened to reveal a white, luminescent page. Stanton stared at the black print.

""_I appreciated the kindness Vanessa showed me, but I never felt the connection with her that I feel with you. I've liked you since the first time our minds met in combat. I've more than liked you, Serena." His hand touched her cheek."_

"But this is the first book!" Jimena complained.

The Atrox laughed maliciously and held up the entire series.

"Can he do that?" Jimena winced.

"I guess so…"

"It isn't true!" Stanton begged. "I haven't betrayed you…… yet…"

The Atrox growled and scanned through book 5.

Stanton gulped as he was shown yet another page.

"_Stanton grinned at the terrorist, then picked up the orange bag and stole a caramel apple. He bit into the crisp fruit. Sweet-"_

The Atrox slammed the book. "Wrong page". It opened another one.

"_He had always been careful. What they had done was forbidden. Only the Followers he most trusted had even seen them together."_

Serena beamed with pride and started to sale The Sacrifice out of Vanessa's window.

The Atrox pointed to the words and glared at Stanton. "Says you".

"Says the narrator".

"You mean Ewing".

"Oh, c'mon!" Stanton yelled. "You're going to believe _her_?"

"Well, she's only the _author_, Stanton…" Vanessa admitted, sarcastically.

"You will both die a painful death!" The Atrox bellowed at Serena. "YOU FIRST!"

Serena let out a piercing scream, causing a few of her customers to be rushed to the hospital for intensive care. "SAVE ME!" she cried as the Atrox dragged her away. "SAVE MEEEEEE!"

Stanton did nothing but stare at her in contempt.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME!"

"Yeah", he frowned. "Well you pretty much ruined that, Serena".

The Atrox loaded its .44 Magnum 2000, the only gun designed to kill an immortal. "Heheheheh. It's a good day to die", it hissed in a Clint Eastwood type voice.

Serena shrieked. "It's going to shoot me!"

"No. _Really_?"

"Do something!"

"Okay". Stanton turned to make a run for it.

She kneed him in the balls and shoved the book in his face. "It's called THE FUCKING SACRIFICE DAMMIT! HELP ME!"  
The Atrox held the gun up.

"No!"

An invisible smile slipped over its face.

"Stanton!" she pulled him forward.

It put its finger on the trigger. This was getting confusing. "Erm…"

"Don't!" he struggled to pull away.

"Hold still!" it growled.

_Bang!_

They all stared as Stanton fell dead.

**_ATTENTION! STANTON HAS JUST BEEN ANNIHILATED. THIS STORY WILL SELF- DESTRUCT IN APPROXIMATELY FIVE SECONDS. PLEASE BE COURTEOUS AND REMAIN CALM AS YOU SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST. GOOD LUCK AND HAVE A NICE DAY :-)_**

Vanessa blinked at the suffocating silence. "Er…"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Serena screamed and ran around pulling at her hair before suddenly exploding. Not long after Jimena and the Atrox exploded as well. Vanessa was left alone with Stanton's dead body. She swallowed hard, waiting to spontaneously combust.

"Vanessa?"

She looked down, her eyes wide. "STANTON?"

He nodded and pulled a bullet- proof vest from under his shirt before looking outside to see what he had caused. "Eh… my bad".

She stared into space for a while. From now on this would be a lonely world. Serena-less, yes. But nevertheless, lonely. She turned back around. "Stanton?"

He wasn't there.

"Stanton! Where are yoooooou?" She walked down the stairs to see him in the kitchen stuffing his face with pie.

She groaned. "Half the population is gone and all you can do is think about pie?"

He nodded and handed her a piece. "Try some."

She reluctantly bit into it. "… hey! This is good!"

"I'm glad you think so!"

Vanessa turned around to see her mother in the doorway. "Mom!" She embraced her. "You're alive".

"Of course, I am, dear. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Nevermind". Vanessa shook her head and took another bite. "I didn't know you made this kind of pie".

She smiled. "I wasn't going to at first".

"Is reary gooo", Stanton stuffed another slice down his throat.

Vanessa nodded. "How'd you make it?"

"Well it all started when I found these apples in your room…"

Vanessa suddenly felt weak, her knees buckling. She and Stanton exchanged nervous glances.

_Uh oh…_

* * *

Well, I tried. Sorry if it sucked. Its actually kind of hard to make fun of Serena… 

SERENA WILL BE THE NEXT SANE PERSON (AGAIN). THE QUESTION IS, WHO'S GOING TO BE THE NUTCASE?

_Catty_.

_Darrel_.

_Jimena_.

_Tianna 1_.

_Tianna 2_.

_Derek_.

_Stanton 2_.

_Michael_.

_Collin_.

_Kyle_.

_Maggie_.

_Kendra_.

_Morgan_.

_Tymmie and Karyl._

_Cassandra_.

_Lambert_.

_Aura_.

VOTE NOW!

Thanx!


	5. Hyper Nympho Catty

**Okay this isn't as good as the other chapters but if I'm going to climb out of writers block, I have to start somewhere right? YOU VOTED CATTY! So heres:**

_Hyper/ Nympho Catty_

Serena retrieved her Algebra book from her locker before slamming it shut and turning to walk into the classroom. Suddenly silence spread through out the hallway followed by a chorus of gasps. Serena spun around to see what it was this time. Probably some stupid fight or- Her eyes widened as she spotted Catty walking down the hall, a coy smile on her lips.

_Catty! _She let the words explode in Catty's mind. She knew the girl was crazy, but this was a new low.

"OMG! WHOA!" Catty grabbed a hold of her head and stumbled a bit. A mob of guys immediately grabbed at her, trying to help her up when Serena swatted them all away with her Algebra book and glared at Catty.

_What do you think you're doing?_

Catty's eyes widened. "There it goes again!"

Serena cocked an eyebrow and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I can read minds, remember?"

Catty paused for a few seconds. "Oh yeah…….. niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice onnnnne!"

Serena took her friend by the arm, forced her into the nearest bathroom, and into a stall. "What were you thinking when you got up this morning?"

Catty put a paper cover on the toilet stool and sat down, crossing her bare legs. She put her arms behind her head and Serena covered her eyes.

"DON'T DO THAT!" She handed Catty her Algebra book to cover her chest. "_Haven't any teachers seen you yet_?"

Catty blew a huge pink bubble and shrugged. "Don't be such a prude, Serena. Skin is in". She scratched at her bare stomach and stood from the toilet stool. "Clothes are _way_ too much trouble! Skirts are_ so_ hard to take off! Especially in the dark or a cramped car! And don't even let me _start _on bra straps".

Serena stared at her in disbelief.

"So last night when Stanton was struggling with my halter, I decided-"

"_Who_?" Serena challenged.

Catty suddenly laughed nervously. "Oh, ya know. That other Stanton. The one that lives up the lane?"

"There's no Stanton up the lane, Catty" Serena whispered gravely.

Catty giggled even more nervously and ripped at some toilet paper. "You know. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Tattoo on his right…. Wait a minute".

Serena had grabbed a hold of the stall door as if to steady herself. "You're lying. He wouldn't-"

"So…how about that birthmark, eh?"

Serena's eyes widened.

"Kind of cute, eh?"

Serena gasped.

"Strange place for it though…"

Serena struggled to remove the paper dispenser from the wall.

The naked girl seemed completely oblivious of her friend's behavior. "You know, that whole Prince of Night shebang compensates for something, don'tcha think?"

Serena banged harder on the paper dispenser.

"I don't know how you manage. Tianna's little brother is probably bigger than tha-" She looked up to see Serena holding the dispenser over her head and swallowed hard. "It feels weird. Like- Serena? Are you okay? You look kind of up- SAHHHHHHHHHH!" She screamed as the metal met with her forehead. "GAWD! I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE SO SELFISH!" She moaned, crawling out of the stall, Serena fast on her tail. Standing to her feet, she rushed out of the bathroom and ran into Vanessa.

"Vanessa! Thank God it's you! Serena's trying to kill me!"

Vanessa cocked an eyebrow at Catty and looked up at Serena. "Wait!" She snatched the paper dispenser from the teary eyed girl. "What happened?"

"She slept with Stanton!" Serena accused.

Vanessa laughed. "Serena, don't be silly. Catty would never-"

"It's not like I enjoyed it! GAAAAAAWD!"

They both stared at her in awe.

"You mean you actually… AND WHY DON"T YOU HAVE CLOTHES ON?"

"Why do you?" Catty challenged. "It's a conspiracy mannnnnn".

Serena wiped at her eyes. "The point is she slept with my man!"

"I don't see your name on him!" Catty argued. "And besides, he was horrible. Michael is much better".

"WHAT?" Both girls exploded.

"I didn't tell you about that?"

"No", Vanessa squeaked.

"Well………………………………………….. This is awkward………………….." With that, Catty took off in a sprint down the hallway, an angry Vanessa and Serena chasing after her.

* * *

Catty yawned from her hide out in her second period class. They would never think of looking for her here.

_Mehehehehehheh._

_Heh._

"Catty"

She looked up to see a middle aged man glowering down on her. Yech. Too much clothes…

"Sup, dude?"

"Can you tell me what rule number twenty three states in the La Brea dress code?" He handed her the rule book.

Catty hissed as it burned her fingers. Rules…

"Lessee… how do ya work this thing again?" She turned the book over in her hands. "Where's the 'ON' button?" She looked up at the man with inquisitive eyes. These things were so damn hard to work. Reading sucked. Fucking was much better.

"Are you being funny, Ms. Turner?" The teacher slammed his palms down on the desk.

Catty's eyes darted from side to side. This was kinky. She wondered if he was going to kiss her. The janitors closet was just down the hall and-

"_Are you being funny, Mrs. Turner_?"

"……… nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu". She leaned forward. "Do you _want_ me to be funny?"

His eyes widened. "The principal's office! NOW!"

"Aw maaaaaan", she groaned. "I practically live theeeeere". She slumped out of the class room and out into the hallway. It didn't really matter. She could get out of it the usual way. And it would be easier this time since she didn't have any clothes on… Definitely a plus.

_Catty._

She turned to see that someone was watching her from the shadows.

"Serena?" she called, nervously. "Is that you?"

_When I'm done with you, you'll wish it had been._

She gasped as Stanton materialized before her and commenced to crack up with laughter.

"DUDE?" She gasped for air. "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?"

He was covered in tissue paper and soap with the words 'pencil dick' scribbled all across his body.

"_You_ happened to me! _What _did you tell Serena?"

"Oooooh, um" Catty scratched her head. "I told her a lot of things…"

"WHAT DID YOU TELL HER ABOUT ME?"

"Just that… I- slept- with- you- last- night- and- that- you- were- a- horrible- lover".

"I was bowling last night!"

"Followers bowl?"

"Oh, yeah".

"I didn't know…"

He stepped forward, tissue paper falling from his form, and grabbed Catty by the shoulders. "Why are you spreading rumors about me?"

"LOOK!" A preppy voice screamed out from the end of the hall.

"IT'S STANTON AND CATTY AGAIN!"

"LET'S GO TELL SERENA!"

And they were off.

Stanton's eyes flashed red.

Catty's eyes widened. "KEWLZ! DO THAT AGAIN!"

"Answer me!"

Catty blinked dumbly. "What was the question? See, I have this thirty second attention span and-"

"WHY ARE YOU SPREADING RUMORS ABOUT ME?"

Catty laughed. "Was not".

"You said we were together last night!"

"We were… unfortunately".

"That wasn't me!"

"Yeah, that's what they all sa- it wasn't?"

"No. Bowling, remember?"

"Ah… well, I dunno who it was then. Alcohol, you know?"

Stanton groaned and her eyes lit up.

"You know what this means?"

"You have an apology to make to Serena?"

"Later", she muttered. "This means you're probably not small after all!" She grabbed for his middle and he jumped back.

"STOP IT!"

"I'll give you candy".

"Leave me alone!" He put an out stretched hand to her head so that she couldn't attack him. "I only want you for one thing". His expression became grave. "Where is the secret scroll?"

"Secret scroll. Secret scroll. Secret scroll", she giggled. "Kind of catchy. Secret scroll. Secret scroll. Secret-"

"WHERE IS IT?"

"Up my ass and around the corner", she growled.

He put a hand to his forehead. "Catty, I don't need the sarcasm-"

"No, I'm serious" She held up a finger. "Hold on".

Stanton stared in utter horror as she retrieved the Secret Scroll.

"Here", she held it out to him.

"N- no. I d- don't want it".

"Take it!"

"I changed my mind" He tried not to barf.

"You don't want it?" She scowled. "You made me go through all that trouble to get it and now you don't _want_ it? FINE!" She tossed it down a stair well.

"NOOOOOOO!" Stanton screamed and dove down after it.

"What. An. Idiot" Catty popped her bubblegum. "It's just a stupid piece of paper"

"Catty!" Serena screeched from behind her.

"EEEEK!" Catty screamed and toppled down the stairs. She landed on the secret scroll which tore in half.

"That was the secret scroll!"

"Secret Scroll. Secret Scroll. Secret Scroooooll".

"If it rips our future is history!"

"Secret Scroll. Secret Scroll. Secret Scrooooooll".

Serena took her by the collar. "DO SOMETHING!"

"Right!" Catty took both Serena and Stanton by the hands and they careened backwards in the tunnel of time.

Serena suddenly opened her eyes to see male strippers swinging on poles. The past Catty was dancing at the side, swinging her shirt wildly over her head.

"Me so horny! Me so horny!"

"Heh", the present Catty giggled as the couple stared at her murderously. "That was my Saturday".

They were once again flying through the tunnel of time. They finally landed near a woman walking on a desert road.

"Hello Zoe", Stanton waved.

"Hello Zoe", Catty mocked and chuckled quietly before Serena shoved her in the side.

"Stanton!" Zoe cried and then turned to see Catty. "Oh, my!"

"You got a problem, lady?" Catty challenged.

"Is she…" Zoe asked.

Stanton nodded and Zoe's eyes started to tear.

"Erm…" Catty shuffled her feet nervously.

"I'm your mother!"

Catty's eyes widened. "NO WAY! I always thought I was like an alien or something!" She crossed her eyes and made alien noises.

"N- no" Zoe smiled. "I was a daughter and your father was a member of the-"

"Excuse me?" Catty asked. "_Who_ are you again?"

"Um… your mother".

"Oh ya?"

"Yes. I was a daughter and your father was a-"

"WHAAAAAAAA? A daughter? I always thought you were some kick ass alien".

"Well…"

"That is _SO_ not cool".

"I…"

"Can't you blast people from miles away? _Don't you even have a **DEATH RAY**_?"

"No, but… But I love you very much and-"

"Dude, that is so weak!"

Stanton took Catty by the arm and started to drag her away.

"But-" Zoe reached out.

"I promise I'll bring her back when she comes back to her senses".

Zoe nodded, uncertainty in her eyes.

Catty stopped struggling and let Stanton drag her across the sand, enjoying the ride. "Spin me around!" she begged.

"No!" Serena roared. "We're here because of the secret scroll".

"Party pooper", Catty muttered before taking them back into the tunnel. They landed in a dark, medieval setting where a man sat scribbling something on a sheet of paper.

Catty sniffed. "It smells bad in here". Must be Nefandus…

Stanton's eyes lit up. "It's the secret scroll! We'll just wait till he's finished and-"

Catty raced across the room and kicked the man upside the head. "HAND OVER THE SECRET SCROLL!"

"IIIIIEEEE!" The man fell to the ground, clutching his head. He slowly slumped back over to the secret scroll.

Serena gulped. "CATTY! NO!"

Catty banged a chair over his head. "GIVE IT!"

The man staggered back and forth while Catty shook him about. "GIVE IT, NOW!"

Stanton and Serena were both headed her way, but she quickly dodged them and held the man over an open window with strength they didn't know she had. "Give us the secret scroll or suffer a horrible death!" she boomed in multiple voices.

The man raised a shaking hand to give her the secret scroll.

She beamed. "AWESOME!" Reaching out, she took the secret scroll, forgetting that she'd been holding him with the same hand. "Oops…"

"IIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The man plummeted down to meet his maker.

"Well" Catty gasped. "At least we have the secret scroll…"

Stanton shook in rage.

"Whoa, buddy…"

"HALF OF IT IS MISSING!"

"That could be a problem", Catty crossed her arms. "So who knows secret scroll?" She glanced around for a few minutes. "Oh, you guys suck".

"Do you know what this means?" Serena asked.

Catty slowly shook her head.

"Without the man, there's no secret scroll"

"And without the secret scroll, there's no prophecy", Stanton finished.

"And without the prophecy there's no us!" Catty laughed. "This is fun!" She looked at Serena. "Your turn".

Serena gasped as she started to fade away. She struggled to tell Catty to reverse what had just happened, but her lips were vanishing as well.

"CATTY!"

"Wha?"

"Yu haf t-"

"WHAT?"

"Yuhotu-"

"Eh?"

_Poof._

* * *

_**I know it sucked --. You don't hafta tell me. I wrote it --. I promise the next chapter will be better and if not, you can flame me something horrible. Just give me something to work with. Next, we're gonna have a sane Catty against an insane…**_

**_Jimena_.**

**_Tianna 1_.**

**_Tianna 2_.**

**_Derek_.**

**_Stanton 2_.**

**_Michael_.**

**_Collin_.**

**_Kyle_.**

**_Maggie_.**

**_Kendra_.**

**_Morgan_.**

_**Tymmie and Karyl.**_

**_Cassandra_.**

**_Lambert_.**

**_Aura_.**

**VOTE NOW!**

**Thanx!**


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